OhOneHundred Hours
by evilbeans
Summary: "I am neither innocent, nor will we be 'making love' anytime soon." "Good."  K/S, TAS, major crack fic. Expect laughter.
1. Can't Stand It Anymore

**Title:** Oh-One-Hundred Hours  
**Rating:** M for sex in later chapters and language throughout.  
**Spoilers:** That one episode in TAS with the plant people, the giant Roman dude, and giant Spock (Megaspock!).  
**Summary: **"I am neither innocent, nor will we be 'making love' anytime soon." "Good." (K/S, TAS, major crack fic. Expect laughter.)

**Author's Note:** Um, all I can say is that it was like one in the morning and we were hyper after our crazy TAS marathon. For those of you who don't know about TAS, it's the Trek cartoon that replaced Chekov with M'Ress (cat-woman who works under Uhura) and Arex (orange three-armed guy who has Chekov's chair). Google some pictures. I like reviews, of course, and I promise that I will attempt to respond personally to all of them. Find all the songs mentioned and you get a cookie.

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Kirk slammed the tablet on the desk. "I can't fucking stand this anymore!" Spock looked up from his own tablet, eyebrow quirked.

"Stand what, Captain?"

It was one in the morning, ship's time, and the command team was still catching up on the reports and files that had backed up over the past few days. Not surprisingly, James T. Kirk did not welcome his first officer's usual impenetrable inquisitiveness.

"Your damn Vulcan inscrutability!"

"But, Captain..."

"Look, I know that we are young, and I know that you may love me, but I just can't be with you like this anymore, Spock!"

"Captain, I do not..."

"Damn it, Spock! After what's happened between us, you could at least call me Jim! God knows you did that night! Both of you!"

"Jim, I fail to understand your logic."

Jim let out a hearty guffaw, slapping Spock on the back before sobering and mimicking Spock's emotionless gaze. "It has nothing to do with logic. Your love is my drug, has been ever since I took that ride on your disco stick. I need you like M'Ress needs to let out her orgasmic moans after every sexually-charged sentence."

"If you really need me, Jim, then why have you turned to that cat-whore for attention? I am here for you, always."

"I've been weak, and I'm sorry. Can you forgive me my transgressions? I tried, really I did, but you know I have to switch women every episode. She had just the right combination of fucking sexy and fucking scary." The words spilled from his lips as his tone and manner became more and more frantic.

"Jim."

"Spock..." The word was almost a gasp.

"You know I will always forgive you. I cannot help it. After what we did...we are psychically bonded. I don't need a Vulcan mindmeld to know that you are ready to come crawling back to me." There was Spock's slightly unexpected dominate streak coming to light again. "Let me make you my boo, 'cause you can shake it, thrice over, and you know exactly what to do to push me to orgasm." And there was the endearing, welcome side of Spock's technical speech. Jim found it extremely sexy, and before their first hookup, he had often pulled out the memories when he couldn't find a woman he found desirable.

"Yes sir." The delight in Kirk's voice was enough to bring a green flush to Spock's face and neck. "I think I should know how to make love to something innocent without leaving my fingerprints out."

"I am neither innocent, nor will we be 'making love' anytime soon."

"Good."

SPORK/SPORK/SPORK

Sulu sat straight up in bed, wiping his forehead and blinking at the sound of a bottle hitting the floor. "What a weird dream," he muttered, getting up and preparing for his shift in half an hour.

Upon taking his seat on the bridge and nodding a hello to Arex, the helmsman took note of an odd silence. Where was the usual Captain/Spock banter? Voicing his question, M'Ress answered in a sour tone.

"They're both sick. Unavailable for the next few shits, _mrrrrrahhh._"

"Oh, that's too bad."

The shift passed without event. Enterprise remained on her course back to the area of the plant-people's planet. It was afterwards that the weird part of the day began. Dropping by Sickbay, Sulu discovered that neither Captain Kirk nor Commander Spock were there. "Uh, no, they're in quarters...resting," McCoy explained, tapping a hypospray erratically against the steely-gray table. Sulu shrugged and left for the rec room to fence.

Two hours later, sporting a towel around his neck and a mask under his arm, Sulu passed by the Captain's quarters. _**"SPOCK!"**_ It instantly reminded the Asian of his dream. He smiled and went on, entering his quarters for a nice, long shower.


	2. A Whole New Experience

**Title:** Oh-One-Hundred Hours  
**Rating:** M for sex in this chapter and language throughout.  
**Spoilers:** That one episode in TAS with the plant people, the giant Roman dude, and giant Spock (Megaspock!).  
**Summary: **"I am neither innocent, nor will we be 'making love' anytime soon." "Good." (K/S, TAS, major crack fic. Expect laughter.)

**Author's Note:** This was NOT written at one in the morning, but is still along the same lines. It's a bit more coherent, but I'm not sure I like it as much as the first. Let me know what you think! (hint: **REVIEW**.) There are songs in this one too, so see if you can find them all. Message me and I'll tell you if you got them all. :) Last chapter's songs were:

Alejandro-Lady Gaga  
Your Love Is My Drug-Ke$ha  
Lovegame-Lady Gaga  
Hot Mess-Cobra Starship  
STARSTRUKK-3OH!3

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A loud moan echoed through the bulkheads. It was rare that Spock lost control like that, and Kirk relished every moment. The captain's skilled tongue wrapped around Spock's penis, making sure to flick that sensitive spot on the underside. The Vulcan's hips pumped towards Jim's mouth once, twice. Kirk gratefully accepted everything Spock had to give him. Now this was something he could definitely stand. Humming around the commander's length, Kirk received another thrust and another groan. The hands on Spock's hips felt a shudder, and Kirk's throat forced Spock's length deeper, even as the Vulcan spilled.

It had been a few weeks since the command team had had their spat and made up-for a whole day. They had taken a few sick days, and after returning were an even better pair than before, both on and off the bridge.

"Bridge to Captain Kirk, Captain Kirk, respond!"

Kirk stood, straightening his shirt as he moved to the wall's comm interface and pressed a button.

"Kirk here." _I wonder if the new shipment of redshirts has arrived,_ he thought absently before the comm unit spoke again.

"We've reached the planet with the sentient plants, Captain."

"On my way," Kirk replied, his voice filled with nervous tension. He had been waiting for this for quite a while now.

SPORK/SPORK/SPORK

On the bridge, M'Ress swished her tail arousingly. Orgasmically charged glances at the rest of the bridge crew came every so often, along with hushed noises that had the young science ensign quite flustered. He was grateful when the elevator doors opened, admitting Spock and Kirk, who were obviously there to relieve him. He practically ran from the bridge under the perfectly arched brow of Spock.

"The planet is hailing, Captain. _Mrahhhhh_..."

Kirk ignored the moan at the end of M'Ress's announcement, resisting her fucking-sexy-fucking-scary combination with the strength of his love for Spock and his green-tinted wiener. "On screen."

One of the fantasies that had been haunting him for the past few weeks, ever since that night, the one before the first real night and day with Spock. Four times his beloved, the clone that had been affectionately dubbed MegaSpock was more than Kirk could handle.

"...for a special event," MegaSpock was saying. "Just you and Spock. No others."

"Well, I guess we're going," Kirk said, heading for Spock.

"It would be logical to assume so."

They left the bridge, replaced by the same ensigns, both of whom looked decidedly displeased at M'Ress's frustrated _mrahhhhh_.

SPORK/SPORK/SPORK

Kirk and Spock beamed immediately down into MegaSpock's cave, throwing their tricorders, phasers, and communicators into a corner. Fuck Starfleet, if just for this one night. It was time for a party, damn it!

"It is time for our party to begin," boomed MegaSpock. Old Earth music blared from hidden speakers.

"Let us get it over and just remove our clothing," Spock suggested, to the delight of all present.

"I'll give you everything I've got," Kirk said, somehow already out of his uniform and sporting a healthy erection. Kirk's uniform hit Spock in the face, joining the commander's neatly folded clothing on the floor. MegaSpock had dispensed with his uniform almost as soon as the words were out of his smaller counterpart's mouth.

"Get it on the floor!" Kirk cried. "If you don't wanna party then yo' ass gotta go!"

Under the instruction of MegaSpock, normal Spock proved to be a surprisingly good dancer. Of course, he attempted to have a rational conversation with Jim about field harmonics at the same time.

"Just turn around boy, stop your chit-chat, and show me where your dick's at!" Kirk exclaimed, most of the way to a morning-after of praying to the porcelain god (or goddess, depending on whether you think those psychology pictures show a lamp or a woman).

"I am...happy...to oblige," Spock replied coolly. Soon, however, Spock's choice not to drink was irrelevant. He couldn't remember his own name.

At some point, MegaSpock got in on the action.

"I believe that tonight, the disc jockey is playing songs that are catalysts to the chemical reaction producing love again," he stated, releasing an earth-shaking moan as Kirk's fingers pulled at him.

"Dance, dance like it's the last, last night of your life, life," Kirk stuttered, unable to speak properly with Spock's mouth on him.

"Affirmative! Affirmative!" Spock yelled, voice muffled around Kirk's cock.

"Come and get me!" shouted MegaSpock, running to the other end of the cave. Drunk, stumbling, and horny, the two men and giant clone played sexytag for the rest of the night.

SPORK/SPORK/SPORK

Kirk and Spock had a lazily satisfactory morning, with a quiet bridge and very effective hangover remedies. Exiting to the elevator, signed redshirt transfer manifesto in hand, the young science ensign shook his head.

_I sure hope they had a good time last night..._ His angry thought was cut off by the sight of M'Ress in the turbolift, leaning against the wall and purring. The ensign's eyes crossed and his pants tightened dangerously. _Let, let me see you up up against the wall,_ echoed the words of an old Earth tune from the late twentieth century in the ensign's mind. "Oh, what the hell," he muttered, rushing into the lift, off to chart a whole new kind of experience.

_**END.**_

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Okay, I guess I'll give you some hints. Does anyone remember that REALLY old Usher song, "Yeah!"? That's where Spock's "Affirmative!" and MegaSpock's "Come and get me!" came from. And that's all I'm gonna say! You have to figure out the rest! MUAHAHA!


End file.
